Now, I know every Twi-hard worth their fake fangs knows about these already but I couldn’t resist. Against the will of every adult bone in my body, I’m going to a screening of New Moon this evening and will be shrieking like a girl throughout.
I don’t care if it’s for teenagers. I don’t care if it’s rubbish. I don’t care if Robert Pattinson is high throughout the entire thing*, I am so freaking excited to see this movie.
Which is why I am so freaking excited to get myself to a Nordstrom to try out some of these Twilight-inspired cosmetics…
First up I give you Mortal Glow Blushing Cream! Fool the humans into thinking your fresh faced rosy glow comes from a healthy balanced diet and lots of exercise, not sucking that rosy glow right out of their jugular.
Second out of the blocks it’s the First Light Body Glow. This hydrating illuminator gives you that ‘vampire lying in a meadow sparkling his ass off’ highlighted effect. But you know, use it on your collarbones, down your shins and along your shoulders if they’re on show as opposed to bathing in it.
Trying to distract from the fact that your eyes are blood red? Well, try the Moonshadows eyeshadow. Perfect for getting that smoky eye look without burning a fellow vampire and rubbing their ashes all over your chops.
And last but by no means least, our old friend Lip Venom is here with a Twilight variant. Yes, you’ve guessed it – the lip venom is laced with a crimson stain. Less painful than the venomous bite of a Twilight vampire and twice as pretty as a big, manky scar on your hand, BELLA.
But not as pretty Robert Pattinson because, um, you know. YOU KNOW.
Sigh, swoon, thud.
*Disclaimer: by high, I of course mean ecstatically happy and not under the influence of a controlled substance just because he sometimes/constantly looks like he is. And I mean, like, alllllllll the time.http://0