OK, so I’m not entirely sure why but I get lots of emails from lovely people asking me for advice on their love life. Now, as much as I love hearing from you and honestly, honestly will reply to all of you (eventually) I am the last person who should be advising you on matters of the heart – I write about them because in real like, I fail big time. The stories I could tell you… and probably will.
However, do you know who does know what men are thinking? MEN. So I drafted one in* and asked him your questions. So please welcome to the blog, Zach Bussey, Canadian social media guru and generally all round interesting chap. Most importantly, he’s not afraid to tell us the truth and let’s be honest ladies, we need to hear it. So here goes…
The question is:
At what point did our roles reverse – when it comes to dating, women have become the hunters and men seem scared and unsure…
How do men feel about women being the aggressors? Does it turn them off? Does it relieve the pressure?
Traditional roles went out the window a while ago, as such the dating scene is far more complicated than ever because everyone is a wild card. There are no defined roles of aggressor, provider, pursuer etc. Also, society is great at raising weak men without confidence, direction or desire. As such, we’re left with a lot of guys with no real purpose – and that’s not attractive.
Personally, I like to be the pursuer. Granted I like if she at least gives me some signs she’s interested… but it has to be a challenge. Too easy and I’ll quickly lose interest. Thousands of years of conditioning has ensured that the primal need to ‘hunt’ is not going away anytime soon. That being said, relieving the pressure is never a bad idea 😉
Here’s a beauty for you Lindsey!
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 ½ years and e’re due to get married in April.
S was my boyfriend when I was 16. He’s married, has been for two years and recently visited the our old town for a weekend to hook up with old school chums. We met up too. Beers and dancing on Friday with everyone and lunch on Saturday. All very pleasant and innocent… or so I thought…
Turns out (for him) 17 years ago when he dumped me for the gobby girl at school, that was a huge mistake and he has all these strong feelings for me again. (He tells me this during the weekend and by e-mail. You know, just in case I didn’t get it!) My Oh My! What’s a girl to do?
I mean this in the kindest way when I say you’re nuts. Hear me out… you have a fiancé of nearly six years, and some guy you dated when you were in highschool who lets you know he loves you via email creates this “What’s a girl to do?” question? Darling, give your head a shake! This guy is a child. Don’t regress. Move forward with your life, not back.
There are three things I’d like to know please!
1. Why do men say one thing and mean another?
2. What makes men cheat?
3. What’s with beauty product ‘borrowing’ that results in there being none left?
- Depends, but mostly because we have no idea what you want to hear. When women I’m seeing ask me a question, I tell them exactly what I’m thinking and it leads to fights. Most guys try to avoid the fights because it’s easier, so they try to fake, lie or say what you want to hear to avoid any problems.
- Stupidity. Childishness. Not getting it from you. But mostly because we have a penis. These things make a lot of men do a lot of stupid, childish things… look at Tiger Woods, hot wife and he’s out banging everything. Arnold? He was banging a woman who looks like a troll. I’m not trying to make an excuse for men who do, but you have no idea how much these things affect our daily lives. Best suggestion… keep things in the bedroom hot, unpredictable and interesting.
- I have no idea what this is. I’ve never borrowed a girls beauty products… but, just stop loaning it?
I’m in love with someone who I have been for the past 2/3 years since I first met him and I was with him for around a year and it ended very badly and he told me he hated me and never to talk to him again… but he told me he loved me and before we got together he promised me we would remain best friends no matter what. I love him so much and I can’t let go. we havent spoken in about eight months. but i truly believe he meant it when he told me he loved me. 100%. did that love just go away or does he really hate me? How do I know?
Move on sweetheart. Break-ups happen for a reason and the reasons for a breakup won’t change in eight months. Take Lindsey’s advice in The Single Girls To-Do List and go on a trip. Come to Canada! Experience the world rather than pining over some dude who honestly sounds like about 200 guys I know personally. (If you’re cute, I’ll take you out for coffee… feel free to send me a picture).
(what a charmer… appreciate the plug. LK)
Here’s mine…. I’m 28, single, I have children and want to know how on earth do you find a guy not just interested in one thing? I got divorced last year a while I seem not to have much problems attracting the opposite sex I can’t actually find a decent one.
The problem is the question here. Guys like sex, so if you’re looking for a ‘decent one’ based on the criteria of all the guys you see ‘only want one thing’, you need to start dating eunuchs. Have you tried an online dating site? (Something you pay for, and not a free one.) The ability to screen guys before you invest any time in meeting them is a huge feature.
If you don’t want to do that… keep running the gauntlet. It’s a numbers game that eventually, by nature of odds, you’ll come up a winner.
Now, who feels better for Zach dropping the truth bomb?
You can check out his website here and I strongly suggest that you do.
Any more burning questions?
* I actually tried to draft a couple but after they saw your questions, the declined to get involved. What does that tell you?http://0